Ending anything is hard. Whether we’re the enders or the endee, still hurts just as bad. We hang on to situations, places, objects and of course, other people. Even though the relationship/friendship is not good for us, we don’t to get out, we give millions of reasons why stay and we refuse to see the forrest from the tree. Mental and spiritual health is just as important as the physical, and at times we put them in danger simply because we ignore the warning signs.
For the longest time I was guilty of this. I had doubts about certain people in my life but thought letting them go would be a mistake, and when they let me go, I crawled back on my hands and knees, begged them to try it again and apologies even fro things I wasn’t at fault for. All for the sake of keeping the friendship going.
What I didn’t realize, is that we all change, whether we admit it or not, and at times with change comes distance: we simply grow apart. Our priorities change, we have less and less time for each other, til one day one of us makes the call.
These past few months I went through two separations that were quite significant. One was the ending of a 10 year friendship, the other was something brief but highly transformational. Coincidentally both happened within two day of each other. Guess the Universe got a head start on spring cleaning.
The first was a separation from my now former best friend. A lot of things happened, we’ve been fighting a lot lately, til finally one night he made it very clear he has no place for me in his life. Whereas before I would’ve made every attempt possible to change that, this time I simply took a deep breath and said: so be it. That was the last I’ve heard of him. I realize I haven’t been the best friend lately, but I can’t take the blame alone. For the first time I let go.
The second was an experience that had me ride the world’s fastest, loopiest, darkest roller coaster and the ending sent me in for another ride. As painful as it was, it gave me so many things to make up for it. I opened up about something quite painful, started a healing process, gained a friend and, in some ways a mentor, in my co-worker who’s just as crazy as I am, if not more and just happens to be my polar opposite, which is probably why we get along so well.
As an added bonus, once I opened up more, I had a host of wonderful people come into my life, and I didn’t even have to look that far. I started taking martial arts classes, and along with great training, I was welcomed into a loving, supportive community who truly bring out he best in me and allow me to grow every day.
I guess in many instances we don’t just miss the person, we miss how we felt in that relationship. If you notice we always reminisce about the past, how we did this, how he/she smelled. a favorite song, movies..you name it. WE live in the “has been” instead of seeing things as they are. It’s good to remember the good times, when I think back, I have no regrets, whatever we lived was great but it’s the past. Once this idea hits home, you’ll be will be able to let go.
Check out this article, talking about removing certain people from your life. Yes, friendships/relationships should be work, but not all your energy should go into maintaining it. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself, it makes a difference.